My God

For many years, I have tried to fit other people's concept of God into my own reality.  Honestly, it was like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.  God is so vast and infinite that He cannot be placed in a category, or even held to a particular belief set.  God simply "is."  

I was brought up in a religiously mixed home.  My mom is an evangelical Christian, and my dad a devout catholic.  I guess that makes me some sort of mystic that feels the need to tell people about God.  Growing up and trying to form my own personal relationship with God was a bit like playing tug of war with the soul.  On one hand I was told not to pray to Mary, or any other saint, and on the other I was told that we were praying through them. (Hey!  Whatever gets you there!)  I have visited many churches  where I was out right told that my Catholic relatives were not saved and that they were going to hell. Needless to say, I did not feel God in those churches, so I did not go back. 

So what are God's rules anyway?  Seriously! I'm mean I know about the 10 commandments, and Leviticus, and all that.  But which ones are the real rules? Because I have broken quite a few.  Even the Golden Rule, which appears in just about all of the holy scripts (not just the bible).   Perhaps that should give us a clue as to to which rule is God's favorite. Now that I am a parent, I know a little bit ( just a tad mind you) about where God is coming from.  I definitely don't think he sets up all of these rules in order to send us off to a fiery inferno if we do not follow them to the letter.  I think these so called rules were set up to keep us from hurting ourselves. Like the ones I set for my daughter, "look both ways before you cross the street," and "don't run away from me in the parking lot."   If she happens to break one of my rules, I do not banish her back to Guatemala, I simply give her a hug and a kiss, and maybe a band-aid  and sometimes a lengthy lecture.    I think maybe that is why God has given us guidelines too. Because he loves us.   

So, if God loves us so much, why does he let these things happen to us?  Who knows? I think that  he doesn't.  They just happen.  I can say that I have been disappointed in God on several occasion.  Two that are very vivid in my mind.  One time when my first husband decided he didn't love me, and another when I miscarried a child.  The first thought that went through my mind was "Why?"  The next thought as bad as it sounds was " But I followed the rules( for the most part).  I was a good wife, I didn't sleep around, and I doted on my first husband hand and foot ( something I have learned not to do, to my second husband's dismay).  I was not a crack whore, and I did my best to take care of my body.  Why should I not be blessed with a child, and someone that did not seem to care would pop out a litter?  Should all these things make me special?  Aren't we all special in God's eyes? Aha!  Perhaps I have stumbled upon something!!! As crazy as it sounds, it was these painful times that I really felt closer to God.  When I TRIED to UNDERSTAND Him!  Not when I was out witnessing to complete strangers in college with Campus Crusade because it was something someone told me I was obligated to do, or when I refrained  from alcohol because my "good christian friends" told me I was setting a bad example.  Nope, those were the days in my mind that I was furthest from God.  I was going against my nature in order to please other Christians, and not Him!  Each one of us have our own personal relationship with God that is as unique as we are.  I believe even atheists have a a relationship with God. It is one of denial, but it is technically still a relationship.   I believe our relationship with God begins when we pop out of our Mother"s vagina, and the doctor slaps us on the butt, and God breathes that very first breath of life into us.  Our side of the relationship is not always perfect, but it is still there. 

I have even yelled at God on occasion,only to later calm down and basque in his presence. The yelling doesn't last very long, when God is sending me love in return.   I was mad at God when I lost my husband, and later a child that I was carrying with my second husband.  I was confused, and I was angry.  But he was there, and like a good parent, he took care of me through my pain.  God never leaves us. Ever.  Not even when we break his rules (although I don't encourage it), or because we didn't say your rosaries correctly, or because we are Catholic, Buddhist, Muslim, Gay, Straight, Alcoholic, Agnostic, Evangelical... (are you getting my point?)   I think God is always there, whether you seek him or not.  I think having a relationship with him is totally awesome, especially now that I do it because I WANT to, and not because it is something that someone told me I needed to do. 

Some people say that God let this terrible thing happen at Sandy Hook, because we no longer pray in schools.  I call "Bull Shit!"   It is impossible to take prayer away from anyone.  Once our conversation with God starts, it does not finish.  They may take away the organization of prayer, which is simply a "Dear God, We love you, Thank You, Amen."  No one, I repeat, NO ONE can take God out of our lives.  Organized prayer is simply that, organized.  It works for some, but not others.  Prayer is not prayer if it does not come from your being.  What is prayer, but a conversation with God?  If it is not approached willingly and with feeling, it is not prayer.  Period.  So out of respect to all of those in school, whose relationship with God may be a little different, we should not be expected to assemble in a way that is not natural to us.  How would you like it if someone made you pray in a way that is not natural to you?  God is NOT a mandate, God just simply "is."  My method of prayer might insult another.  That is why it is suggested in the bible that we go to our closets to pray. 

God is incredible, so much so that we can never completely know him.   He is a mystery.  He is not a set of rules, and he is absolutely not the great condemner of all who do not fit the perfect mold.  God is inclusive, God is light, and God is love.   

  Namaste!  (The light of God in Me Salutes the light of God in You!)

Hell in a Hand Basket

H

3 Paintings

Cardinal Love II

This was a "redo" of a painting that I have done before.  It is a little different in that the branches are a bit more folksy, and I used squiggles in the back rather that dots.  They are both cute in their own way.  This one will be auctioned at the Vine art auction.

Evidence of Faith (Hebrews 11:1)

My cousin's wife was recently confirmed Catholic.  This was a painting done as a gift to her.  It depicts my interpretation of Hebrews 11:1. "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."  I could go on and on about this verse.  I spent years struggling with Faith myself.  Not necessarily faith in God, but faith in the outcome of my situations.  The evidence of faith is seen in this picture, as the angel with eyes closed, mocks the wings of the butterfly she is holding.

Hell in a Hand Basket

Another painting done for the Vine.  I had been wanting to paint hell in a hand basket, and here it is!!

Harmony Travels with Compassion

Harmony Travels with Compassion

This angel was ready just in time for election day!  How fitting!  I can't count how many times I have said it.  For the longest time it was a joke at the office.  One thing that Rodney King and I have in common, is that I am always wondering "Why can't we all just get along?"  I mean it seems simple enough, I am nice to you, and you are nice to me.  It is something we were taught as children, but seem to forget as we get older.  Play nice, share, take turns...  all the common courtesies that we seem to forget when we get in our cars, and drive to the local Target or Walmart.  "Get the hell out of my way!" "Move your cart bimbo!"  "Do I look like I have all day?" It is something that we loose touch with when we log on to facebook, and someone has a different political view, religious outlook, or personal life style.  We are so self focused that we think we know how other people should live, love, and vote.  We think that because we care about something, then everyone else should, and if they don't, well, they must just be going to hell in a hand basket!  This is where we go wrong.  People are not going to change their point of view just because we tell them they are wrong and we are right.  They are NOT just going to get along.  Yet, that is what we all want...  to get along... I don't know of anyone that WANTS to disagree, or wants to fight.  Yet, we do.   How can we achieve this harmony that we all so desperately want?  That is why this sweet angel has came!  She came to let us know that to achieve harmony, we must have compassion.  We may not agree with the person next door, or they may just plain be rude or unnerving.  This is where we need to look at this person, and see ourselves in this person.  See how we are like this person, and how this person is like us.  We need to remember a time, when perhaps we may have behaved as this person does, or when we would think like this person does.  Envision a situation that may cause us to think like this person thinks, or act like this person acts.  We must have compassion.  


Wikipedia defines compassion as a virtue in which the emotional capacities of empathy and sympathy (for the suffering of others) are regarded as a part of love itself, and a cornerstone of greater social interconnection and humanism - foundational to the highest principles in philosophy, society, and person-hood.  If only, we would take a moment to see how we are connected before we jumped to conclusions we might just be able to achieve harmony, if only for a little while.  


This angel has peacock feathers, most people think of peacocks as representing pride and virtue, however In Hinduism the Peacock is associated with Lakshmi who is a deity representing benevolence, patience, kindness, compassion and good luck.  It is an emblem of love, compassion, and kind-heartedness.  The goldfish represents many things in the Chinese culture.  It represents, wealth, and it also represents the harmony of family.  In this painting it specifically represents the harmony of our global family.  This angel is called Compassion, and she travels with her pet goldfish Harmony, in order to show us that getting along is possible, if we just have a heart.

A Productive Weekend

This weekend I managed to paint 3 paintings!  One on Saturday when Ana was playing with a friend, and two on Monday (okay, not technically the weekend, but I am between jobs, so, I extended my weekend).  The First painting is a new concept, and the second and third paintings are re-dos of paintings I have already done, but wanted to improve on.

Peace Brings Prosperity

Peace brings Prosperity -  Everyone knows that an owl represents wisdom, but every now and then it represents prosperity.  Every one wishes prosperity for those that they love.  The best way to bring prosperity is to be at peace with who you are, and with what those around you are.   Be at peace, and know that we are all connected, and prosperity will follow.

Grace Grows Gratitude -  My friend Becky, whom I love very much fell in love with the original Grace Grows Gratitude Painting.  I wanted to donate this painting to the Vine Silent Auction, so I repainted this one, and will let Becky pick which one she likes best...  Hmmm...  I am really loving Grace, I may have to paint another one for myself.

Whisper in the Wind II -I simply wanted to do a close up on the original, because the bottles were so small in the original.

Grace Grows Gratitude II

Whistle in the Wind II

Hope brings Healing

Hope Brings Healing

This is another angel that literally appeared on the canvas as I was filling the background.  I was sitting in my dining room listening to Wayne Dyer's "Change Your Thinking - Change Your Life" , when she just literally popped out of my canvas.  "Hope brings Healing" has been a theme that I have wanted to paint for some time, and when this angel came to fruition, I knew that she had to be Hope.  The Apple Blossom is a symbol of hope, so naturally I decided to pair Hope up with her flower.  That flower will one day grow to be an apple, and we all know what they say!  "An Apple a day keeps the doctor away!"  

We all have times of despair.  Whether it be sickness, rejection, or loss of a loved one. In situations like these we always have at least two options.  We can dwell on our misery, thus going into a deeper darker place, or we can hope for a better future, lifting ourselves out of our despair and bringing ourselves to a better place.  Healing our mind and even our bodies, and bringing joy and encouragement to others.

This Angel is Hope, and she has come to bring healing.

Peace be with You

Peace be with You

I am about to give you a little more information about me on a spiritual level, than you probably want to know.  I was raised in a half catholic half evangelical christian home.  Needless to say the direction that I received was quite mixed.  I was told by my mother that I could not pray to anything but God and Jesus, and I would go to my Catholic school praying "Hail Jesus, full of Christ!"  I learned about the Father, the Son, and The Holy Spirit, and I thought that "Peace be with You" was just something you said to greet your fellow worshipers at the church.  When my parents divorced, I spent half of my Sundays kneeling and crossing myself, and half of my Sundays watching people get healed and speaking in tongues (still quite a scary concept to me).  I embraced both sides of this Christian Spectrum as I kept myself safely distant from both sides as well.  Both of my parents were very devout Christians, they just had very different ways of expressing their devotion.  In their own minds they were right, and the other was to put it nicely, a little crazy (sorry Mom and Dad).  I grew up just thinking that surely neither of my wonderful well meaning parents were going to hell.  This painting is entitled "Peace be with You." It is a painting about the Holy Spirit.  Something that I grew up a little scared of and confused about.  On one hand, I thought it was something I had to have in order to get to heaven.  If I were to by accident blaspheme the Holy Spirit, I would for sure go to Hell.  On the other hand, I thought the Holy spirit was God and Jesus rolled into one.  He was my left and right shoulder when I would cross myself in mass.  Absolutely and totally Conflicted.

In my older age, I have been able to reconcile the two.  First of all, I would like to believe that God honors all those that honor him.  Whether they be protestant, catholic, Muslim, or Jew.  I no longer see the Holy Spirit as a ticket to the pearly gates, but my comforter and my guide.  The holy spirit is the one that gives me that feeling of comfort when I am at my lowest.  It is the one that holds me after I have gone through a divorce, or have had a miscarriage.  The holy spirit is the one that tells me to bite my tongue rather than to verbally rip someone apart (I wish he would assist me some more in this area).  The Holy Spirit, to me is not something to fear, but something to hold on to.  It is something that is there for you when no one else can.  The Holy Spirit, to me, is peace.  So when I say "Peace be with You."  I do not intend it as a greeting, but I intend it as a sincere wish that the Holy Spirit will bring you comfort during your storms, and guidance throughout your life.... that all will be well with your soul.

Whistle in the Wind

Whistle in the Wind

For some time now, I have been fascinated by glass.  I have dabbled some in stained glass, and fused glass.  I simply like it.  I especially love the concept of bottle trees.  They just seem poetic to me.  Whenever I see one on a movie, or along side the road on our way to Mississippi, or Cold Water Tennessee, I just start to daydream.  Did they drink all of the contents of those bottles?  Do they love to sit outside and watch the light dance off of the bottles?  What about the sound?  Do the bottles play beautiful clinkity clankity sounds?  Do they whistle in the wind?  Bottle trees just seem peaceful to me.  Sort of like sitting on the back patio on a fall night with a glass of wine listening to the leaves blowing in the wind. Total, absolute peace.  It is said that years and years ago people used to think that the bottles captured evil spirits.  Mainly because of the sound that the bottle would make when the wind blew over the mouth of the bottle. That is why people started hanging bottles on their trees, in order to capture the evil spirits, and keep them away from their homes.  The concept of bottles capturing evil spirits goes even further back to the times when people believed in genies and magic lanterns!  

Fragrant Dreams

Fragrant Dreams

I have always dreamed of having a little girl.  Those who know me well, know that it has been a long and painful road for me.  My husband and I Adopted our daughter in October of 2006.  She was not born from my body, but from my heart. I have no doubt what-so-ever that this was the daughter that God intended for us.  I have know doubts or regrets for any of the stepping stones that led us to our girl.  Only joy for the present, and sweet dreams for a happy and prosporous future for our child.

I Came to Make You Smile

I Came to Make You Smile

One of my besties came to paint with me this week.  When she was younger, she used to collect clowns. So in anticipation of her visit, I decided that I must paint a clown!  Knowing that everyone has those moments that they just don't feel like participating in the daily grind, I decided to make my clown a part of my angel series.  Whenever we feel down and out, we need to call on our inner clown to make ourselves smile, even if we don't feel like it.

Grace Grows Gratitude

Grace Grows Gratitude

This painting will more than likely be donated to The Vine Counseling Center for their Silent Art Auction.  That is unless I decide that I can not part with it, and decide to donate something else.  I knew that I wanted to paint turquoise and red, so I started with the red background, and as I was painting, I could see the shape of this angel appearing in the brush strokes.  I quickly stopped painting the background, grabbed the blow dryer, and then proceeded to trace the brush strokes.  Grace Grows Gratitude is one of those paintings that I have been thinking about for a long time.  However, I was thinking of a little girl watching a flower grow.  As this Angel literally appeared, she looked so sweet and delicate and graceful, that I knew she had to be my Gratitude Angel. 

Gratitude isn't always as easy as we think.  In todays fast paced world, we seem to expect and to demand more and more.  It isn't very often that we sit back and just be thankful for what we have.  We work and work and work, and often times feel as if we go unappreciated.  Yet, a lot of times we ourselves overlook all that God has done for us.  If we practice Grace, we will receive Gratitude, even if we are only grateful for ourselves.

Playing in the Poppies

Playing in the Poppies

This painting was done for a girl at church that I have often admired for her grace and for her faith, but especially for her strength.  At a very young age, she has gone through what no one ever dreams of going through.  She lost her two baby boys only a few days after they were born.  I remember reading updates on the boys, and praying for them not being able to phantom how anyone can go through this.  Yet they do.  I have often admired this girl from a distance. To me she portrayed a perfect example of God's grace.  When a lot of people would have questioned their faith and turned their backs on God, she and her family seemed only to draw closer.  It was an honor and a blessing to paint these sweet angels.

In this painting, the Red Poppies represent that the boys passing was not an end to their spirit, but an ascent to a higher place.  The white doves represent peace, a presence of the Holy Spirit with the boys, and a message of love from the boys to their family that remains on this earth.

I Will Make Your Burdens Light

I will Make Your Burdens Light

Angels are described in the bible as 18 foot tall creatures with 6 wings and two heads, or as wingless men. Supposedly an angel is neither male or female, and they usually present themselves to us in a form that is comforting and non threatening.   My Angels come to me in the form of paintings.  Sometimes they are a painting that resides in my mind for several days, and sometimes they just present themselves to me as I am painting.  This angel came to me today as I was painting at my mother's house, and she came to help make our burdens light.  This is a painting of an African Angel, and as you can see, she is carrying a pot on her head.  This pot is supposed to be holding our burdens.  She is covering her mouth to show us that as she is carrying our load, she will not disclose our burdens to others.  She was created to bring comfort to those of us who are troubled, whether it be over something big or small.  Whatever it is that is troubling us, she will carry it away with her in her little pot, so that we can let it go, and set ourselves free.

A Little Bluebird Told Me You Were My Soul Mate

For starters, this was not the painting that I intended to paint today, but none the less, it is what I created.  I sat down with the intent to paint "Going to Hell in a Hand Basket,"  which will come at a later date.  That painting still resides in my head, however, it will have to materialize at a later date.   To be honest, this is not my favorite, but I like the idea behind it, and I LOVE the colors.  This painting is supposed to represent "true love" or "soul mates," and how imperfect true love really is.  The blue birds in the picture are a reminder to us that we are born into happiness and fulfillment, but we sometimes get so lost and wrapped up in the everyday events of our lives that our happiness and fulfillment seem rare.  The bluebird reminds us to take time and enjoy ourselves, or in this case each other.  If you get a chance, read a little about the symbolism of the blue bird here.

A Bluebird Told Me You Were My Soul Mate

Grounded with Dreams

Grounded with Dreams

I have loved giraffes ever since I met my current husband.  Mainly because he painted this picture.  I have loved that painting since the day Joe and I met.  There was something about those eyes.  Gentle, but strong...  knowing and caring.  Since that day, I claimed the giraffe as part of my animal totem.  No, I am not weird (okay, perhaps a little).  Animal totems is just something the some Native American tribes put together to represent their animal guardians.   Not sure how "real" their magic is, but it is fun to read about animal totems.  

Honestly, I have been far from happy at my job, but since 78% of Americans are unhappy with their jobs, and with our economy in the shape it is in, I feel selfish complaining (but I do it any way)!   The giraffe has a LOT of things that it represents.  One thing that stood out to me is how the giraffe has it's feet on the ground, with it's head up in the clouds.  One  writeup described the giraffe as being grounded yet expansive.  I needed something at work to remind me that despite the fact that I would rather be doing something else, I need to remain grounded and focused on the work that is expected of me, yet I need to keep dreaming for something that brings me happiness.  That is how I came up with the painting, "Grounded with Dreams."  My feet are planted firmly on the ground, prepared to do what needs to be done to support my family and assist my customer, but there is always a dream running around in my head!

The Awakening : Kundalini

I was having a really bad morning.  I was feeling kind of like I was going to be stuck where I was for quite some time.  I pulled into work, parked my car, and started to gather my things, when a Cardinal flew at my window and persisted to attack my window.  At first, it startled me, and then I thought "Hmm...  wonder what that means..."  As soon as I sat down and got logged in, I looked up Cardinal Symbolism, and I found an article that said that Cardinals represented an awakening of the soul which is sometimes referred to as Kundalini in yoga circles.  Long story short, it meant that things were going to get more lively.  Thus the following painting was born.



The Awakening : Kundalini

Cardinal Symbolism

Awakening