For many years, I have tried to fit other people's concept of God into my own reality. Honestly, it was like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. God is so vast and infinite that He cannot be placed in a category, or even held to a particular belief set. God simply "is."
I was brought up in a religiously mixed home. My mom is an evangelical Christian, and my dad a devout catholic. I guess that makes me some sort of mystic that feels the need to tell people about God. Growing up and trying to form my own personal relationship with God was a bit like playing tug of war with the soul. On one hand I was told not to pray to Mary, or any other saint, and on the other I was told that we were praying through them. (Hey! Whatever gets you there!) I have visited many churches where I was out right told that my Catholic relatives were not saved and that they were going to hell. Needless to say, I did not feel God in those churches, so I did not go back.
So what are God's rules anyway? Seriously! I'm mean I know about the 10 commandments, and Leviticus, and all that. But which ones are the real rules? Because I have broken quite a few. Even the Golden Rule, which appears in just about all of the holy scripts (not just the bible). Perhaps that should give us a clue as to to which rule is God's favorite. Now that I am a parent, I know a little bit ( just a tad mind you) about where God is coming from. I definitely don't think he sets up all of these rules in order to send us off to a fiery inferno if we do not follow them to the letter. I think these so called rules were set up to keep us from hurting ourselves. Like the ones I set for my daughter, "look both ways before you cross the street," and "don't run away from me in the parking lot." If she happens to break one of my rules, I do not banish her back to Guatemala, I simply give her a hug and a kiss, and maybe a band-aid and sometimes a lengthy lecture. I think maybe that is why God has given us guidelines too. Because he loves us.
So, if God loves us so much, why does he let these things happen to us? Who knows? I think that he doesn't. They just happen. I can say that I have been disappointed in God on several occasion. Two that are very vivid in my mind. One time when my first husband decided he didn't love me, and another when I miscarried a child. The first thought that went through my mind was "Why?" The next thought as bad as it sounds was " But I followed the rules( for the most part). I was a good wife, I didn't sleep around, and I doted on my first husband hand and foot ( something I have learned not to do, to my second husband's dismay). I was not a crack whore, and I did my best to take care of my body. Why should I not be blessed with a child, and someone that did not seem to care would pop out a litter? Should all these things make me special? Aren't we all special in God's eyes? Aha! Perhaps I have stumbled upon something!!! As crazy as it sounds, it was these painful times that I really felt closer to God. When I TRIED to UNDERSTAND Him! Not when I was out witnessing to complete strangers in college with Campus Crusade because it was something someone told me I was obligated to do, or when I refrained from alcohol because my "good christian friends" told me I was setting a bad example. Nope, those were the days in my mind that I was furthest from God. I was going against my nature in order to please other Christians, and not Him! Each one of us have our own personal relationship with God that is as unique as we are. I believe even atheists have a a relationship with God. It is one of denial, but it is technically still a relationship. I believe our relationship with God begins when we pop out of our Mother"s vagina, and the doctor slaps us on the butt, and God breathes that very first breath of life into us. Our side of the relationship is not always perfect, but it is still there.
I have even yelled at God on occasion,only to later calm down and basque in his presence. The yelling doesn't last very long, when God is sending me love in return. I was mad at God when I lost my husband, and later a child that I was carrying with my second husband. I was confused, and I was angry. But he was there, and like a good parent, he took care of me through my pain. God never leaves us. Ever. Not even when we break his rules (although I don't encourage it), or because we didn't say your rosaries correctly, or because we are Catholic, Buddhist, Muslim, Gay, Straight, Alcoholic, Agnostic, Evangelical... (are you getting my point?) I think God is always there, whether you seek him or not. I think having a relationship with him is totally awesome, especially now that I do it because I WANT to, and not because it is something that someone told me I needed to do.
Some people say that God let this terrible thing happen at Sandy Hook, because we no longer pray in schools. I call "Bull Shit!" It is impossible to take prayer away from anyone. Once our conversation with God starts, it does not finish. They may take away the organization of prayer, which is simply a "Dear God, We love you, Thank You, Amen." No one, I repeat, NO ONE can take God out of our lives. Organized prayer is simply that, organized. It works for some, but not others. Prayer is not prayer if it does not come from your being. What is prayer, but a conversation with God? If it is not approached willingly and with feeling, it is not prayer. Period. So out of respect to all of those in school, whose relationship with God may be a little different, we should not be expected to assemble in a way that is not natural to us. How would you like it if someone made you pray in a way that is not natural to you? God is NOT a mandate, God just simply "is." My method of prayer might insult another. That is why it is suggested in the bible that we go to our closets to pray.
Namaste! (The light of God in Me Salutes the light of God in You!)God is incredible, so much so that we can never completely know him. He is a mystery. He is not a set of rules, and he is absolutely not the great condemner of all who do not fit the perfect mold. God is inclusive, God is light, and God is love.
