My God

For many years, I have tried to fit other people's concept of God into my own reality.  Honestly, it was like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.  God is so vast and infinite that He cannot be placed in a category, or even held to a particular belief set.  God simply "is."  

I was brought up in a religiously mixed home.  My mom is an evangelical Christian, and my dad a devout catholic.  I guess that makes me some sort of mystic that feels the need to tell people about God.  Growing up and trying to form my own personal relationship with God was a bit like playing tug of war with the soul.  On one hand I was told not to pray to Mary, or any other saint, and on the other I was told that we were praying through them. (Hey!  Whatever gets you there!)  I have visited many churches  where I was out right told that my Catholic relatives were not saved and that they were going to hell. Needless to say, I did not feel God in those churches, so I did not go back. 

So what are God's rules anyway?  Seriously! I'm mean I know about the 10 commandments, and Leviticus, and all that.  But which ones are the real rules? Because I have broken quite a few.  Even the Golden Rule, which appears in just about all of the holy scripts (not just the bible).   Perhaps that should give us a clue as to to which rule is God's favorite. Now that I am a parent, I know a little bit ( just a tad mind you) about where God is coming from.  I definitely don't think he sets up all of these rules in order to send us off to a fiery inferno if we do not follow them to the letter.  I think these so called rules were set up to keep us from hurting ourselves. Like the ones I set for my daughter, "look both ways before you cross the street," and "don't run away from me in the parking lot."   If she happens to break one of my rules, I do not banish her back to Guatemala, I simply give her a hug and a kiss, and maybe a band-aid  and sometimes a lengthy lecture.    I think maybe that is why God has given us guidelines too. Because he loves us.   

So, if God loves us so much, why does he let these things happen to us?  Who knows? I think that  he doesn't.  They just happen.  I can say that I have been disappointed in God on several occasion.  Two that are very vivid in my mind.  One time when my first husband decided he didn't love me, and another when I miscarried a child.  The first thought that went through my mind was "Why?"  The next thought as bad as it sounds was " But I followed the rules( for the most part).  I was a good wife, I didn't sleep around, and I doted on my first husband hand and foot ( something I have learned not to do, to my second husband's dismay).  I was not a crack whore, and I did my best to take care of my body.  Why should I not be blessed with a child, and someone that did not seem to care would pop out a litter?  Should all these things make me special?  Aren't we all special in God's eyes? Aha!  Perhaps I have stumbled upon something!!! As crazy as it sounds, it was these painful times that I really felt closer to God.  When I TRIED to UNDERSTAND Him!  Not when I was out witnessing to complete strangers in college with Campus Crusade because it was something someone told me I was obligated to do, or when I refrained  from alcohol because my "good christian friends" told me I was setting a bad example.  Nope, those were the days in my mind that I was furthest from God.  I was going against my nature in order to please other Christians, and not Him!  Each one of us have our own personal relationship with God that is as unique as we are.  I believe even atheists have a a relationship with God. It is one of denial, but it is technically still a relationship.   I believe our relationship with God begins when we pop out of our Mother"s vagina, and the doctor slaps us on the butt, and God breathes that very first breath of life into us.  Our side of the relationship is not always perfect, but it is still there. 

I have even yelled at God on occasion,only to later calm down and basque in his presence. The yelling doesn't last very long, when God is sending me love in return.   I was mad at God when I lost my husband, and later a child that I was carrying with my second husband.  I was confused, and I was angry.  But he was there, and like a good parent, he took care of me through my pain.  God never leaves us. Ever.  Not even when we break his rules (although I don't encourage it), or because we didn't say your rosaries correctly, or because we are Catholic, Buddhist, Muslim, Gay, Straight, Alcoholic, Agnostic, Evangelical... (are you getting my point?)   I think God is always there, whether you seek him or not.  I think having a relationship with him is totally awesome, especially now that I do it because I WANT to, and not because it is something that someone told me I needed to do. 

Some people say that God let this terrible thing happen at Sandy Hook, because we no longer pray in schools.  I call "Bull Shit!"   It is impossible to take prayer away from anyone.  Once our conversation with God starts, it does not finish.  They may take away the organization of prayer, which is simply a "Dear God, We love you, Thank You, Amen."  No one, I repeat, NO ONE can take God out of our lives.  Organized prayer is simply that, organized.  It works for some, but not others.  Prayer is not prayer if it does not come from your being.  What is prayer, but a conversation with God?  If it is not approached willingly and with feeling, it is not prayer.  Period.  So out of respect to all of those in school, whose relationship with God may be a little different, we should not be expected to assemble in a way that is not natural to us.  How would you like it if someone made you pray in a way that is not natural to you?  God is NOT a mandate, God just simply "is."  My method of prayer might insult another.  That is why it is suggested in the bible that we go to our closets to pray. 

God is incredible, so much so that we can never completely know him.   He is a mystery.  He is not a set of rules, and he is absolutely not the great condemner of all who do not fit the perfect mold.  God is inclusive, God is light, and God is love.   

  Namaste!  (The light of God in Me Salutes the light of God in You!)

Hell in a Hand Basket

H

3 Paintings

Cardinal Love II

This was a "redo" of a painting that I have done before.  It is a little different in that the branches are a bit more folksy, and I used squiggles in the back rather that dots.  They are both cute in their own way.  This one will be auctioned at the Vine art auction.

Evidence of Faith (Hebrews 11:1)

My cousin's wife was recently confirmed Catholic.  This was a painting done as a gift to her.  It depicts my interpretation of Hebrews 11:1. "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."  I could go on and on about this verse.  I spent years struggling with Faith myself.  Not necessarily faith in God, but faith in the outcome of my situations.  The evidence of faith is seen in this picture, as the angel with eyes closed, mocks the wings of the butterfly she is holding.

Hell in a Hand Basket

Another painting done for the Vine.  I had been wanting to paint hell in a hand basket, and here it is!!

Harmony Travels with Compassion

Harmony Travels with Compassion

This angel was ready just in time for election day!  How fitting!  I can't count how many times I have said it.  For the longest time it was a joke at the office.  One thing that Rodney King and I have in common, is that I am always wondering "Why can't we all just get along?"  I mean it seems simple enough, I am nice to you, and you are nice to me.  It is something we were taught as children, but seem to forget as we get older.  Play nice, share, take turns...  all the common courtesies that we seem to forget when we get in our cars, and drive to the local Target or Walmart.  "Get the hell out of my way!" "Move your cart bimbo!"  "Do I look like I have all day?" It is something that we loose touch with when we log on to facebook, and someone has a different political view, religious outlook, or personal life style.  We are so self focused that we think we know how other people should live, love, and vote.  We think that because we care about something, then everyone else should, and if they don't, well, they must just be going to hell in a hand basket!  This is where we go wrong.  People are not going to change their point of view just because we tell them they are wrong and we are right.  They are NOT just going to get along.  Yet, that is what we all want...  to get along... I don't know of anyone that WANTS to disagree, or wants to fight.  Yet, we do.   How can we achieve this harmony that we all so desperately want?  That is why this sweet angel has came!  She came to let us know that to achieve harmony, we must have compassion.  We may not agree with the person next door, or they may just plain be rude or unnerving.  This is where we need to look at this person, and see ourselves in this person.  See how we are like this person, and how this person is like us.  We need to remember a time, when perhaps we may have behaved as this person does, or when we would think like this person does.  Envision a situation that may cause us to think like this person thinks, or act like this person acts.  We must have compassion.  


Wikipedia defines compassion as a virtue in which the emotional capacities of empathy and sympathy (for the suffering of others) are regarded as a part of love itself, and a cornerstone of greater social interconnection and humanism - foundational to the highest principles in philosophy, society, and person-hood.  If only, we would take a moment to see how we are connected before we jumped to conclusions we might just be able to achieve harmony, if only for a little while.  


This angel has peacock feathers, most people think of peacocks as representing pride and virtue, however In Hinduism the Peacock is associated with Lakshmi who is a deity representing benevolence, patience, kindness, compassion and good luck.  It is an emblem of love, compassion, and kind-heartedness.  The goldfish represents many things in the Chinese culture.  It represents, wealth, and it also represents the harmony of family.  In this painting it specifically represents the harmony of our global family.  This angel is called Compassion, and she travels with her pet goldfish Harmony, in order to show us that getting along is possible, if we just have a heart.

A Productive Weekend

This weekend I managed to paint 3 paintings!  One on Saturday when Ana was playing with a friend, and two on Monday (okay, not technically the weekend, but I am between jobs, so, I extended my weekend).  The First painting is a new concept, and the second and third paintings are re-dos of paintings I have already done, but wanted to improve on.

Peace Brings Prosperity

Peace brings Prosperity -  Everyone knows that an owl represents wisdom, but every now and then it represents prosperity.  Every one wishes prosperity for those that they love.  The best way to bring prosperity is to be at peace with who you are, and with what those around you are.   Be at peace, and know that we are all connected, and prosperity will follow.

Grace Grows Gratitude -  My friend Becky, whom I love very much fell in love with the original Grace Grows Gratitude Painting.  I wanted to donate this painting to the Vine Silent Auction, so I repainted this one, and will let Becky pick which one she likes best...  Hmmm...  I am really loving Grace, I may have to paint another one for myself.

Whisper in the Wind II -I simply wanted to do a close up on the original, because the bottles were so small in the original.

Grace Grows Gratitude II

Whistle in the Wind II

Hope brings Healing

Hope Brings Healing

This is another angel that literally appeared on the canvas as I was filling the background.  I was sitting in my dining room listening to Wayne Dyer's "Change Your Thinking - Change Your Life" , when she just literally popped out of my canvas.  "Hope brings Healing" has been a theme that I have wanted to paint for some time, and when this angel came to fruition, I knew that she had to be Hope.  The Apple Blossom is a symbol of hope, so naturally I decided to pair Hope up with her flower.  That flower will one day grow to be an apple, and we all know what they say!  "An Apple a day keeps the doctor away!"  

We all have times of despair.  Whether it be sickness, rejection, or loss of a loved one. In situations like these we always have at least two options.  We can dwell on our misery, thus going into a deeper darker place, or we can hope for a better future, lifting ourselves out of our despair and bringing ourselves to a better place.  Healing our mind and even our bodies, and bringing joy and encouragement to others.

This Angel is Hope, and she has come to bring healing.

Peace be with You

Peace be with You

I am about to give you a little more information about me on a spiritual level, than you probably want to know.  I was raised in a half catholic half evangelical christian home.  Needless to say the direction that I received was quite mixed.  I was told by my mother that I could not pray to anything but God and Jesus, and I would go to my Catholic school praying "Hail Jesus, full of Christ!"  I learned about the Father, the Son, and The Holy Spirit, and I thought that "Peace be with You" was just something you said to greet your fellow worshipers at the church.  When my parents divorced, I spent half of my Sundays kneeling and crossing myself, and half of my Sundays watching people get healed and speaking in tongues (still quite a scary concept to me).  I embraced both sides of this Christian Spectrum as I kept myself safely distant from both sides as well.  Both of my parents were very devout Christians, they just had very different ways of expressing their devotion.  In their own minds they were right, and the other was to put it nicely, a little crazy (sorry Mom and Dad).  I grew up just thinking that surely neither of my wonderful well meaning parents were going to hell.  This painting is entitled "Peace be with You." It is a painting about the Holy Spirit.  Something that I grew up a little scared of and confused about.  On one hand, I thought it was something I had to have in order to get to heaven.  If I were to by accident blaspheme the Holy Spirit, I would for sure go to Hell.  On the other hand, I thought the Holy spirit was God and Jesus rolled into one.  He was my left and right shoulder when I would cross myself in mass.  Absolutely and totally Conflicted.

In my older age, I have been able to reconcile the two.  First of all, I would like to believe that God honors all those that honor him.  Whether they be protestant, catholic, Muslim, or Jew.  I no longer see the Holy Spirit as a ticket to the pearly gates, but my comforter and my guide.  The holy spirit is the one that gives me that feeling of comfort when I am at my lowest.  It is the one that holds me after I have gone through a divorce, or have had a miscarriage.  The holy spirit is the one that tells me to bite my tongue rather than to verbally rip someone apart (I wish he would assist me some more in this area).  The Holy Spirit, to me is not something to fear, but something to hold on to.  It is something that is there for you when no one else can.  The Holy Spirit, to me, is peace.  So when I say "Peace be with You."  I do not intend it as a greeting, but I intend it as a sincere wish that the Holy Spirit will bring you comfort during your storms, and guidance throughout your life.... that all will be well with your soul.